Leave Out All The Rest

My mind has been going to interesting places recently. Maybe because I'm 50 years old, I am spending a bit more time doing life review, or maybe because the only TV commercials for my demographic are hawking funeral arrangements, laxatives and AARP membership.

At a dear friend's funeral reception recently, three women and I had a "The Big Chill" moment when we looked around the packed house and commented simultaneously, "I'd never get this many people at my funeral!" These women were in my same age range, perhaps a bit younger or older, but all were contemplating the impact they'd had on other lives.
Would they be missed? Would they be remembered? Would someone even care?

Today as I was driving home, this song came on the radio and the lyrics pierced right through the "mindless driving zone" into my conciousness. The song is called "Leave Out All The Rest" and it seemed to sum up perfectly the types of things I've been thinking... What will I leave behind?

Linkin Park, Leave Out All the Rest

I dreamed I was missing
You were so scared
But no one would listen
Cause no one else cared

After my dreaming
I woke with this fear
What am I leaving?
When I’m done here

So if you’re asking me
I want you to know

When my time comes
Forget the wrong that I’ve done
Help me leave behind some
Reasons to be missed

And don’t resent me
And when you’re feeling empty
Keep me in your memory

Leave out all the rest
Leave out all the rest

Don’t be afraid
I’ve taken my beating
I’ve shared what I made

I’m strong on the surface
Not all the way through
I’ve never been perfect
But neither have you

So if you’re asking me
I want you to know

When my time comes
Forget the wrong that I’ve done
Help me leave behind some
Reasons to be missed

Don’t resent me
And when you’re feeling empty
Keep me in your memory

Leave out all the rest
Leave out all the rest

Forgetting
All the hurt inside
You’ve learned to hide so well

Pretending
Someone else can come
And save me from myself
I can’t be who you are

When my time comes
Forget the wrong that I’ve done
Help me leave behind some
Reasons to be missed

Don’t resent me
And when you’re feeling empty
Keep me in your memory

Leave out all the rest
Leave out all the rest

Forgetting
All the hurt inside
You’ve learned to hide so well

Pretending
Someone else can come
And save me from myself
I can’t be who you are
I can’t be who you are

If You Still Need A Halloween Costume...

You Should Be a Belly Dancer for Halloween

According to our quiz, you'd make an ideal belly dancer. Your runner up costume: Fairy

The Halloween Costume Generator

I think that I'm uniquely qualified to be a belly dancer...because I DO have a belly! That is all you need right? Right?

MP Checking In!

Hello All,

Well it's certainly been a long time since last I wrote. Many things have happened these past three months:
-my birthday
-my wedding (more on that later),
-the death of a very close friend (more on that later).

I've thought about writing here many times, and then stopped because I felt I didn't really have anything to say. It's a funny thing about blogging, at least for me, every word must be amazing, and there has to be inspiration which frankly, I've been lacking.

PLUS I've been selling on ebay, and boy that just sucks all the energy I might have had for anything else...that and my fur daughter, PD, OH YEAH, I just got married. Is that enough excuses for ya?

Because I could probably drum up more...

My Gifts At 50

As I have mentioned a couple of times before, I'm turning 50. Soon. Like, day-after-tomorrow soon.

I have not made plans for a big blowout party, or really any plans to celebrate my birthday officially. What I will be doing on Friday is what I've been doing since last Thursday---taking care of my ill mother-in-law.

My MIL had a very extensive and significant surgery recently and SO and I will be rotating weeks to care for her. While this is a challenging time because we are supposed to be planning our wedding, not to mention that 50th birthday, it feels as if it's a gift of more import to me.

My own mother and I had a complicated and sad relationship, one that left me feeling "less than" in many ways and wondering about my sensitivity and worth as a person. With SO's mother it's not like that because I'm not her daughter, there are no agendas, points to prove, or struggles for power. Though I'm her daughter-in-law, we have more of a friend relationship. We like many of the same things and share some creative tastes, and engage in raunchy girl-talk (much to SO's chagrin).

When SO and I began talking about MIL's care, I wasn't sure how well I'd do; for the reasons mentioned above. I am learning that I am much more caring than I'd thought, more capable than I'd thought, more available to be leaned on emotionally and physically than I'd thought.

While I won't be at an evening soiree' like the one I had for my 40th birthday, or dancing around in a coconut bra and grass skirt at Joe's Crab Shack like I did about six years ago, I'll be doing something equally fulfilling; receiving confirmation that I've grown into a woman that can be depended on and can think of others first; a woman who can be a friend and companion; that maybe in some small way I've paid it forward so that someone can do the same for me one day.

I know I've become a woman of value; that's a fine birthday present if you ask me.

The "Joys" Of Wedding Attire.

Today is May 31, which means that it's little more than two months until I'm a bride. Um...where do de time go?

Plans for our soiree' are still in the mental stages (translation: we haven't gotten anything concrete done yet) but I have been online the last couple of days and I've discovered Offbeat Bride dot com and DIY Bride dot com, between those two sites I've lost hours of time; and seen some great ideas.

I'm going to be the big 5-0, and while I'm a girly girl, it seems as though my tastes have changed considerably over the years; add to that the fact that I'm MENOPAUSE princess, living in LV, getting married in the summer, and prettily plus sized and you've got a real interesting situation for finding a dress.

I recently visited a bridal chain featuring a bait-and-switch bridal gown sale. I asked about the gowns that were featured in the television ads but amazingly, there didn't seem to be any left! Those ladies must have stampeded the place. I was led to a rack of gowns in my size and there were plenty of them, at least it looked that way until you realized they were the same gowns you'd just seen in white only now they're creme.

Horrid is a word that came readily to mind as I viewed the dresses, and they were over the top fussy. I whipped through yards and yards of tulle, beading, netting and lace trying to find something that warranted the trip down there.

I settled on two dresses that were comparatively simple in their styling.
The gown pictured, and another gown with a plain skirt and the current trend of strapless top. The strapless dress smashed my breasts into oblivion, which is no mean feat; in my own defense I should mention that the gown shown did not have that Carrie Bradshaw flower on it...it did have the unfortunates ribbon sash I'm afraid.

If you've never shopped for a wedding dress (which I'm sure my male readers haven't), there's a lot of construction that's involved with a dress like this. The saleswoman hurried back with a long line bustier type bra and a huge petticoat and installed me in them, then she put the dress over my head and fastened me up. She told me to stand on the raised platform outside the dressing room. I looked like a cake topper. The dress was heavy and seemed to move on its own; as I stood there in the air conditioned store, beads of sweat broke out on my face.

I said to the SALESwoman, "this is hot", she purred, "oh...it'll be alright." I thought: "look lady, this frigging thing weighs a ton, I'm menopausal with hot flashes, and I'd have to wear this creation in the middle of a Las Vegas summer, obviously my body cares not one whit for the fact that there's air conditioning, exactly HOW is it going to be "alright?"

Needless to say, I made no arrangements to get that dress. I'm leaning towards custom made.

When I was 16, my friends and I would go and try on wedding gowns for fun, then, I liked those frothy fabric confections; but I'm not that girl anymore.

I Won't Be Doing This...

...at my wedding reception!

MP's Getting Married

I'm Baaaaaaaacck!

I don't know if I'm REALLY back but I'm back right now. So, I'm getting married; this isn't new, I just haven't mentioned it before. It's getting close though (August) and I thought you might get a chuckle as I try to avoid becoming a Bridezilla.

This year is a big year for me; I'm getting married and I'm turning the big 5-0! That's a lot to pack in one little year. Because I don't know what I want and hate planning, my half a century birthday will have to take a back seat to the nuptials; but also because I hate planning I'll be doing some scuffling as it gets down to the wire.

This isn't my first time on the matrimonial "marry"-go-round, did it 20 years ago and didn't find it to be a state of being that agreed with me. This time, well if you've got someone who's your best friend, makes you laugh, and is ultimately concerned with your happiness then what's not to like? I'm older and wiser now, and I'm not that girl anymore.