Staying Too Long At The Fair

Have you ever been to a fair or amusement park and had occasion to see a child who has been told it's time to leave, but he doesn't want to? The child is in a fit of pique, maybe he's even throwing a rather showy tantrum digging his little feet in as he's taken from what must be the most fun he's had-ever. If you've been the parent in this scenario then you know what comes later is probably a time-out, a pout, a little person who makes himself sick with anger, or is sick from all the excitement and emotions of the day--someone who's clearly stayed too long at the fair.

Josie's post from her "Picking Up Pieces" blog talks about leaving relationships that no longer serve her and it brought to mind friendships in my past that had turned toxic and caused me to leave. I remember discussing this very subject with a friend. My friend stated that she pretty much knew how to end a relationship with a man that had gone wrong , but what do you do when a friendship is over, but you're still involved in it?

I have a theory about relationships, whether love relationships, relationships between employer and employee, or friendships, there are signs when it's time for it to end. It seems to me that friendships are the most difficult because there are no real examples of how to end one. We know how to look for a new job or breakup but how do you end a relationship with a friend? More than likely it drags on until all the sweetness of the relationship is gone until some catalyst causes it to end.

In my early twenties I had friend I met working as a cocktail waitress. She was effervescent and fun, with that somewhat crazy energy that is so typical of girls that age. We went out dancing, drinking, gossiping, shopping, and endless talk about boyfriends or the lack thereof. I was finishing a term at college and she hadn't finished high school, this didn't bother me because I never saw her as "less than", but she saw herself that way.

One day I had to go to school to pick up something and she came along for the ride. As she surveyed my university I felt a shift in her energy, later on the drive home, she was full of disparaging comments about "those people who think they're better than everyone because they're in college". I didn't address the subject with her, after all wasn't I one of "those people?" That was the first time I felt a thread unraveling in the fabric of our friendship.

We continued to be friends for the next eight years; she married and had children, I moved to another city, married and divorced. The girls who had been "best friends" years earlier no longer existed and there was no commonality between the women we'd become. Still, we hung in there like two punch drunk fighters who refused to throw in the towel. When phone conversations with her would end I'd feel like I didn't want to talk to her anymore, but how could I not? We were friends.

Over the years I had watched her other important friendships end badly; people who had been her "best friend" now were cursed. I knew that one day it would be my turn, and one day it was.

As she stood in the middle of the street literally screaming at me and repeating every painful confidence I had shared, I believe I left my body. I had seen this coming years before, this friendship began to die that day at my college but I didn't know how to stop it before now. There was sadness, but there was also relief.

I can see much more clearly when friendships have run their course now, and somehow they don't end with a big screaming match and such deep pain.

I'm not that girl anymore.

Never Too Late To Say Thank You

Most people know the importance of saying "thank you". We express gratitude when receiving gifts, when others do favors for us or somehow make our lives lighter, usually we do this in the moment or shortly after receiving the item and that's the end of it.

I have seen the occasional award show where an actor or actress after reading a long list of thank yous, adds their eighth-grade or high school teacher. I never really gave much thought to that additional thank you but lately, I've been having similar thoughts.

In 1973 I was a sophomore at St. Bernard's High School. I was a happy teenager clearly marching to the tune of my own drummer; managing to have a friend in mostly all the cliques without really being a member of any.

One of the classes I had was Behavioral Science with Cliff Nugent. Mr. Nugent only taught at St. Bernard's that one year, 1973, but his was the class I most looked forward to. In this class opinions ran wild and were encouraged, he promoted self-expression and seemed to revel in observing our developing personalities.

Once, when he informed us he'd be showing us the film "Night and Fog", a truly horrendous film about the atrocities perpetrated in concentration camps, the class went ballistic. No one wanted to see this film, though by this point in school, most of us had. People threatened to have their parents call the school, write letters, yada, yada, yada. He just smiled, rather like that cat in "Alice in Wonderland", and said if we could write a paper with a sufficient reason why we shouldn't have to see it, we'd be excused. No one wrote a paper with a sufficient reason, and we all watched it, and all survived.

Where I'm going with this whole thing is that Mr. Nugent made education fun, alive, and a thing to be desired in that room. I wanted to be there having fun, lively, sometimes even heated discussions with my classmates. I wanted to write those papers, read those books, study those concepts. I felt valued and respected by that teacher, and he made me want to learn.

So wherever you are Mr. Cliff Nugent from Fresno, thank you for that class in 1973. It's unlikely that I'll be winning an Oscar in this lifetime so this will have to do. I don't know if you continued to teach or where your life took you, but you had a gift for teaching that was magical and I'll always remember you and be grateful.

Wisdom Of Life From The Dogs

Some days ago I was ruminating over my readiness to be a pet parent. As I was playing around making a stylized cartoon version of myself, it came to me to put a dog in the picture. The one in the picture seemed to speak to me. Should be interesting to see what we end up with and if he resembles this guy! My good friend sent me this a while back and I thought I'd share it here. It seems apropos. If a dog was the teacher you would learn stuff like: When loved ones come home, always run to greet them. Never pass up the opportunity to go for a joyride. Allow the experience of fresh air and the wind in your face to be pure ecstasy. When it's in your best interest, practice obedience. Let others know when they've invaded your territory. Take naps. Stretch before rising. Run, romp, and play daily. Thrive on attention and let people touch you. Avoid biting when a simple growl will do. On warm days, stop to lie on your back in the grass. On hot days, drink lots of water and lie under a shady tree. When you're happy, dance around and wag your entire body. No matter how often you're scolded, don't buy into the guilt thing and pout. Run right back and make friends. Delight in the simple joy of a long walk. Eat with gusto and enthusiasm. Stop when you have had enough. Be loyal. Never pretend to be something you're not. If what you want lies buried, dig until you find it. When someone is having a bad day, be silent, sit close by and nuzzle them gently. I think I'm getting closer :)

I Heart The Internet -Part 3, The Secret

The internet continues to mine gems, it is so much a tool to be used in any number of ways, limited only by the boundaries of your mind.

Perhaps you saw the "Oprah" show some months back when a panel of experts discussed "The Secret", a video that details how you can achieve all of the things you desire in life.

If you've seen or own the video that is wonderful. If you haven't seen it you can view the entire video at http://onetenth.blogspot.com/2007/08/what-is-secret-start-changing-your-life.html or you can just click here.

Gotta love the Internet!

How Trader Joe's Is Like A Drug Dealer

Don't get me wrong I love Trader Joe's; some of their items are truly taste treats that can take a meal from ho-hum to a restaurant experience in no time flat. The tempura vegetables are yummy, the garlic naan is like any I've had in a great Indian food place, "two-buck-chuck" wine is tasty (though in Vegas it's "three-buck-chuck"), and the Double Rainbow ice cream- well there are just no words. No, Joe doesn't love me, or at least my feelings for him are stronger than his for me.

SO and I were on a recent expedition to TJ's; in self defense we'd had a meal prior to the trip and could adhere to the shopping list. Shopping at the Joe's when hungry is a set-up for destruction. We'd crossed everything off the list except for two necessary items: low sodium tuna and Mexican Red Sauce, and after giving the aisles the "fine tooth comb" treatment, I approached the friendly young man at the service desk and inquired about the items.

The Friendly Young Man entered the tuna into the computer and informed me that they were out of tuna in the warehouse and he didn't think they carried the Mexican Red sauce any longer. I was amazed, how could they just not carry it any longer? Two trips ago there were boxes of it in the aisles. I didn't allow SO to purchase the sauce then because we had enough. I'm NEVER going to hear the end of that, but I digress.

As Friendly Young Man searches the computer one last time I remark that TJ's is like a drug dealer, they give you a little taste and get you hooked. Friendly Young Man says no, they're actually worse than a drug dealer because instead of simply raising the prices once you're hooked, they just say "whoops, don't have that anymore". Friendly Young Man is smiling as he delivers this barb.

I stand at the customer disservice desk as the realization sinks in that I'll have to deliver the sad news to SO, no more Mexican Red Sauce. I look down and notice a sheet on the counter, clearly an "eyes only" sheet for Trader Joe's employees, which states something about turning fans into loyalists. I point to the sheet and say somewhat loudly: "having the products you've gotten your customers hooked on is the way to turn them into loyalists!"

As I walk away, Friendly Young Man stealthily removes the sheets from the counter. He's no longer smiling.

I Sing The Body Eclectic

An alien invaded my body and I found myself watching an episode of "The Tyra Banks Show" recently, something that I don't usually do. Once, after a marathon of "America's Next Top Model" I coined the name "Tireda" for Ms. Banks.

This episode was about weight issues and body dysphoria, a fancy name for funky feelings about your body. I am probably like most women on the planet when I admit there's never been a time when my body was "just right" so anything on weight issues gets at least a couple of minutes of my attention.

The show attacked the subject from many sides. The comedian, Ant, did "man on the street" interviews regarding a life-sized, cardboard cut-out of one of the guest's headless bodies. This particular guest hated her stomach, a stomach that was soft, and round and to her, a thing to invest hatred in. "What do you think?" Ant inquired of several different people, all seemed to think the woman's body looked "real" and expressed admiration, one man took the cut-out home he was so enamored.

In another section, Tyra took a young woman over to a large board with pictures of various body parts assembled and challenged her to choose which photos were of her body. This young lady chose the largest pictures and assembled them into a body that looked nothing like the woman beside Tyra. Tyra reassembled the correct photos and showed them to the young lady who was surprised that the reality didn't match the incredibly overweight picture in her mind.

I watched this show with some sadness for the women who were guests; sadness that they were blind to their beauty and that the sum total of their worth had been centered on the size of the jeans they wore.

I still wrestle with this issue, but one of the benefits of not being that girl anymore is the ability to know more times than not, that the size of my heart is what really matters. I am trying to make it bigger all the time.

And The Thought For Today Is...

To the world you may just be somebody...

To somebody you may just be the world.