The "Joys" Of Wedding Attire.

Today is May 31, which means that it's little more than two months until I'm a bride. Um...where do de time go?

Plans for our soiree' are still in the mental stages (translation: we haven't gotten anything concrete done yet) but I have been online the last couple of days and I've discovered Offbeat Bride dot com and DIY Bride dot com, between those two sites I've lost hours of time; and seen some great ideas.

I'm going to be the big 5-0, and while I'm a girly girl, it seems as though my tastes have changed considerably over the years; add to that the fact that I'm MENOPAUSE princess, living in LV, getting married in the summer, and prettily plus sized and you've got a real interesting situation for finding a dress.

I recently visited a bridal chain featuring a bait-and-switch bridal gown sale. I asked about the gowns that were featured in the television ads but amazingly, there didn't seem to be any left! Those ladies must have stampeded the place. I was led to a rack of gowns in my size and there were plenty of them, at least it looked that way until you realized they were the same gowns you'd just seen in white only now they're creme.

Horrid is a word that came readily to mind as I viewed the dresses, and they were over the top fussy. I whipped through yards and yards of tulle, beading, netting and lace trying to find something that warranted the trip down there.

I settled on two dresses that were comparatively simple in their styling.
The gown pictured, and another gown with a plain skirt and the current trend of strapless top. The strapless dress smashed my breasts into oblivion, which is no mean feat; in my own defense I should mention that the gown shown did not have that Carrie Bradshaw flower on it...it did have the unfortunates ribbon sash I'm afraid.

If you've never shopped for a wedding dress (which I'm sure my male readers haven't), there's a lot of construction that's involved with a dress like this. The saleswoman hurried back with a long line bustier type bra and a huge petticoat and installed me in them, then she put the dress over my head and fastened me up. She told me to stand on the raised platform outside the dressing room. I looked like a cake topper. The dress was heavy and seemed to move on its own; as I stood there in the air conditioned store, beads of sweat broke out on my face.

I said to the SALESwoman, "this is hot", she purred, "oh...it'll be alright." I thought: "look lady, this frigging thing weighs a ton, I'm menopausal with hot flashes, and I'd have to wear this creation in the middle of a Las Vegas summer, obviously my body cares not one whit for the fact that there's air conditioning, exactly HOW is it going to be "alright?"

Needless to say, I made no arrangements to get that dress. I'm leaning towards custom made.

When I was 16, my friends and I would go and try on wedding gowns for fun, then, I liked those frothy fabric confections; but I'm not that girl anymore.