Friday, October 5, 2007

Mini Interview with Josie-One Word Wednesday

There's been some fun stuff going on in the blogosphere, or at least the little portion of it I circle. It's the newest thing that all the cool kids are doing.

My friend Josie of Picking Up Pieces sort of started it; she was interviewed by another blogger and enjoyed it so much she decided to extend an invitation to her readers to be interviewed if they wanted. Quite a few brave souls rushed blindly into the abyss of Josie's questioning and lived to tell the tale.

See, Josie's a real curious sort and she's pretty damned intuitive and bright; she asked these folks questions that sometimes had them pulling their raw feelings out for all to see. I respect these people immensely because that's not always an easy thing to do, but they stepped up to the plate with grace.

For me reading the interviews was kind of like the feeling you might get when contemplating getting on a roller coaster: you think it might be fun, but you're scared. I couldn't step up to the plate for the 5 question interview that Josie was meting out but when she started One Question Wednesday I thought I might be able to handle that. You get to ask one question but you've got to answer one in return.

So, without further ado here is Josie's one question for me, and because I just have to be different here it is on Friday:
I love your "I'm not that girl anymore" byline. Why aren't you, when and how did that change?

That's an interesting question and if I think about it I probably haven't been that girl for some time, years even. It's a thought that fleshes itself out for me more and more as I write these posts. The first thing I thought of when coming up with that name for my blog is my body isn't the same, some of this I elaborated on in my very first post. It's more than that though, my thoughts aren't the same, my desires aren't the same. I think I'm more and less concerned about me, if that makes any sense. I am more compassionate than I was but at the same time I know that the martyr, everyone's-needs-before-mine state of being doesn't really help anyone.

When I was younger, in my teens and twenties I didn't have the best self esteem, though you couldn't tell that by just looking at me. I was a pretty girl but I didn't own that; I had relationships with men who were unworthy of me, friendships that didn't sustain me, toxic familial relationships, I was not cognizant of my own power to change these things. Probably all that began to change when I really started working on my spiritual beliefs in about 1989.

As I became more aware of myself and my self worth, I was able to really connect with people and make very satisfying friendships. A very dear friend died in 1995, and my love for him propelled me to do volunteer work which really fed my soul, introduced me to my SO, and helped me to "get over myself".

My relationship with my SO helped me to learn to stay put in relationships. I grew up with the idea that perfect couples never fought or disagreed ergo, if I am in a relationship and it doesn't feel good then it must not be perfect. This is the first relationship where I've been able to disagree, talk it out, and be happy.

I am learning things about myself all of the time, seeing other ways I'm not that girl anymore, but it's okay because I really like the woman I've become.